A mess, but still in place

It has been a very long time since I updated my blog.I have been really busy with a lot of things and I could not find the time to sit down and blog. But now since the holidays have started for me, I feel obliged to update my blog. It hasn't been easy on me this year, a lot of goodbye's and a lot of feeling blue, a lot of reminiscing and definitely a lot of missing someone. A lot of building new friendships and some old friends just drifted apart. We're not as close now, but who says that all friendship remains? I guess I accept things more now and I want to acknowledge that. Looking back to the same date last year and today, it was totally different in terms of thinking and feeling and people I talk to. Regardless, I should feel blessed that it didn't happen any other way but I can't help but to question why it happened when it is the very fundamental reason that helps build me and mold me into who I am today. It could have happened in another way, it could have.

    And I don't know whether being vulnerable is a blessing or a curse. Or maybe I self-analyse a lot, ignoring the integral parts and go right down to the bruises, marks, the dirt and tear myself open until I am left with nothing but bones. And when it's not enough, I re-analyse myself until I am sadly satisfied. And every time a mistake happens, I tell myself that it is not their fault, it is not their fault. And sometimes, when they forget important dates, or important things, I tell myself it is okay, they are just more busy than I am. So I choose not to be sad, or depressed, although what you read earlier might sound otherwise. I have become very ignorant in things like these now, I have been pouring my mind with history facts and music lyrics.
"Adam Smith have come up with the idea of free trade in his book 'The Wealth Of Nations'."
"Cold war in 1945 between America and Russia are one of the side effects of World War II"
"During the ruling of King Charles II, the parliament have approved Habeas Corpus Act in the year 1679"
"If the water dries up, and the moon stops shining, stars fall, and the world goes blind boy, you know, I'd be saving my love for you"

     Because I very much disapprove in romanticizing depression and sad people. It seems like loving the idea of depression has more love than the idea of love itself. Other teens feel like loving the way of how he/she is sad or depress is so much more romantic. And it is like to die for.

     Things don't often turn out the way we wanted it to be. And I have really begin to experience that over a few months. In fact, nothing seem to turn out the way I wanted it to be prior. But it's not like I hold a grudge over it, I try not to feel. And this is what I fear the most.