Having to write a new post every new year could be deemed as a tradition in my blog. Seriously, I hold so much inspiration to write in the New Years because 1) I realize that I like (at least I think I do?) to sum up my year and make a crap load of hopes and wishes with sprinkled glitter in a post, 2) I am compel to write because 3) It's the New Years. And eventually it dies down and I'm back to square one in the following new year. Much motivated. Much driven. Yay. Nonetheless, I made a promise to my 16-year old self that I would keep this blog running, regardless. And I like keeping promises; I know the feeling of being let down from a person you put your absolute trust to, and sometimes, just sometimes, you can see the look on the person's face breaking the promise, without them having the slightest remorse. I abhor you. Jokes aside, I don't want to feel like I don't take myself seriously, and if I don't, who will? Now, I have been getting people to say that I shouldn't take myself too seriously, but given the case, I ought to. It stands for something and I believe that little things like these keep us in check of who we are. Am I making sense? It's the middle of the day, so I should be. Anyway, I have quite a number of attempted blogs when I was starting out high school but I never really commit, which, in fact now, I am thankful for my scared-of-commitment self because I never had a point or a vision for my past blogs although I never really thought of one for this one as well... But, a promise is still a promise! I have been going on tumblr a lot more, though. I write more there, probably because I've written them short, while over here it's more of nitty-gritty, long written essays; this is after all, a blog. But if you're interested, you can read some of my writings here :) Along with some personal photos that I like. Hehe
If you are a faithful reader of my blog (shout out to my best friend, who read my cringe-worthy posts, my ridiculously bad-written English, you've read it all, gurl) you must have read my posts about being lost and just.... being lost. My gosh, looking back, I was immature during my last few years as a teen - an immature writer or blogger, to say the least; still in my growing years, trying so hard to figure out life. Re-reading those posts made me think now, that I was never lost, how I was just sunken in to a cloud of self-absorbed thoughts. Fearing that I wouldn't do my best, watching my every move so I won't tear down expectations. In retrospect, I now embrace mistakes, I welcome them with my arms wide open. As weird as this may sound, mistakes change you. They make you do better things, achieve greater things. At one point I just allowed it to happen, because I hold the liberty of my actions. Though, I'm not going to lie, that from time to time, a mistake either so trivial or significant can still have the power to make me feel insecure, because I don't fancy being mocked or belittled. But, through it all, I know mistakes are necessary. Weird to say, but it's true. Although the 19-year-old me staggered her way to being 20, I've come to terms with my mistakes in hindsight. Which is, by all means, an epiphany I have been waiting for to happen.
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