Uncertainly, not.

       You know how what you expect to be turns out what you expect to be? A disappointment. *knocks on wood* Because how much you've worked hard for it doesn't measure up to your inner expectation. A success. Excellence. You're worried for something that you know will happen but won't say it anyway because it terrifies you to death, you begin to feel remorse for the little effort you made. Maybe I'm just carried away, exaggerating or any sort. But what comes down is this: You get what you deserve. You may not think so, but the good Lord thinks so. And if you think rationally, like really weigh out the reasons, it's pretty logical. At the end of the day, that is your result, whether you like it or not, you got what you deserve. Then you save yourself by feeling indifferent. Indifferent. It's what I have been feeling most of the time. (Go ahead and read my old posts.) Maybe being indifferent is just a layer of protection to hide what's really inside; feelings. Multiple bunch of feelings. Because to be honest, results fear me. Be it from the doctor, my parents or school. They genuinely make my heart beat a little faster than usual, reeling me in to a pool of anxiety. No where out unless I pluck up the courage to see my results. 

       

       So in actual reality, there is no one to blame but my old self; when I had ample time for preparation. For exams after exams, I could've, I could've. But like the old idiom goes, 'No use crying over split milk'.  I hate myself for only realizing it a little too late. (cue Jojo's song) When there's really nothing I can possibly do about it. And I don't think I'll be able to sleep early tonight; me being me, I'd imagine scenarios about tomorrow, how it's going to go down, or up, I hope. Anyway, at least I know I'm not the only one imagining scenarios of the future (it'd totally happen, totally), generally speaking. Yeah, I'm talking about the time when you imagine yourself with your crush on a date, or how you'd bump into each other and laugh at his jokes and he with yours, how you'd picture yourself in an office with your own desk, or how you'd look like with the dress you saw the other day in the shop, then walk around town and accidentally bump into your crush. Don't fool yourself, you know it way too well. 

        Keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow, and praying that I'd find peace and contentment with my results. Have a good night guys x